le shit

I finally have figured out why guys who have been left by girls find it extremely painful to get over them and move on. Cos if they move on they would be causing the same amount of pain to another guy. lol common sense 

a palpable is the antidote for civilization. IDi endi ra babu?

such a long time..........

I don't know if I can term this 'deja vu' cos I'm about the start this blog just the way I did with my previous entry.......and thats cos I cant think of a better start.....anyways I seem to justify my blog name yet again....so here I am after a long time...on a pleasant noon of a 'yet another lazy weekend'....Its 15.31 hrs IST as I look at my mobile....thats almost 10 hrs past sunrise....maybe seven days past this week began...........almost 4 months since I've appointed myself into this idleness. And after a while, I can say, am reminded of myself again that am a graduate now.....having won my 3-year battle.....a graduate....an alumni of my college......This 'alumni' part used to pain a little initially but my laziness has taken me to heights.........heights where I dont see any 'pain' for the 'past'.

I used to believe that being a southpaw ( I love to use this word- its 'another' for lefties)........made me lucky....but present situations force me to doubt my thinking. Am I being silly or confusing or both?? Let me try to explain.......I'm sure that most of you might be remembering the racism 'shit' that took place in and around melbourne recently. Now here goes my analysis....I am damn sure that Melbourne has existed since even before my grand parents were born......and Indians have been inhabitants since then.......however these 'things' have taken part only when I had planned to study there........no sooner had I thrown myself into the core of that processing that these things got into lime light.......and by the time I had fought against everyone around me and convinced them about my career, a was late...............and there goes the result- I FAILED!!!...........Yes.... I failed to see myself in Melbourne in August...crashing my plans.....hehe....i thought of seeing myself in melbourne..uploading pics on orkut...maybe writing my next blog entry fromAus....This was a part of my thoughts a couple of months ago but thank you 'my good luck'........all's screwed up......and the only residue of all those crashed up plans........was 'me'.

So...after having 'F'ed up a few plans............here I am.....an idle head.........trying to lose myself into online gaming and free downloads........and despite all these things.....I feel normal.........the drug's called 'hope'.......a hope that I'll end up seeing myself into something useful......something that makes me feel atleast an inch better than does being an idler. Hoping so......this is me signing out.......I hope to see myself in a different state the next time I write this blog....

one more....

                      it seems I justify the name of my blog 'lord of laziness' in the most apt way.......it took three months for this re-opening to occur and a lot of things have happened since february.......oh yeah tons of things....and so many have happened that I don't know where to start...career wise, it is time when i started saying(rather practicing to say) that am done with my under graduation and everything is done except my results getting out.....it was one month of an exam season...rather one heck of an exam season...and I could really know where I stand and how far I moved from the place where I remember myself standing........Never did it take long for me to realise that I had collapsed in academics and was in a rapid regression...but as they always say..."better late than never"....I figured out tunnels out of those books...If I had to make a confession I'd say I wasted a whole month and a couple of weeks in addition....but I managed filling papers....and hey...I got plenty of time to pray..lol.

                 Studies apart.....life has been teaching so much during these months that I feel I've learnt lots..and yet end up every such feeling with a conclusion that am still the same dumb arse...The best part is where you face people who,in past shared the core of your enjoyment,boredom,grief and bad situations and are now,the ones you don't give a fuck about...This initially seemed different(rather fun) to accustom to but the latter situations have been a crash-course on judging people.But on a whole....it was definitely something very good because it was then that I started to grow a feeling of realisation inside about my way of thinking....I atleast figured out that I needed to be a bit awake during day.This was one hell of a situation I loved a lot(yet I don't know why)

           And as I end up my graduation with all those fun,fights and farewell....I again stand before the situation I hate the most....yes..........its the so called "turning point of my career" again....and my impatience to wait till I jump into another level makes it feel even worse...But this seems inevitable...and I have to face it and fight it...Well, my advantage lies in the fact that I atleast realised rather figured out myself.All these days....I thought that I wasn't under my control because of that "her" thing but No.......thats not totally true....I've grown my list of addictions with age...and I need to get those self controls back in my hands at the quickest...cos its terrible when you get drowned in blank thoughts and yet can't do a bit about it.This was Lesson Three for this season but Lesson Four is what I find the best.Realising this was when I felt like I understood life...but a wave of doubt always follows.All these days, I was under an opinion or idea of expecting things in return when I do or intend to do something in any relationship ....and I did so only because I put some sweat in it....but I find this wrong these days.I realised that love or concern or affection or "whatever the world would call it" is all about giving...its just giving in tons....and forgetting it...but hey....you'll get back if you are lucky.......

Guess what ?am waiting for my luck to come.........peace

              

my recent trip

          Its been a long time since my posts hit blogger.............so here goes one more.......its been less than half a day before i reached my favourite city........my city......Hyderabad.I guess my pride regarding this thing multiplied after i roamed in and aroung chennai and other places of tamilnadu during this week..it could be because i missed my comfort levels i've been enjoying since years in my city.

          Well,coming to the point...this was a trip about 1200kms long on the map.....it took us a complete 24hours in installments to reach our destination.The train thing was comfortable....and so our comfort was till gudur after which we had to board in a general compartment. The irritating part was that i had to hold my bag in my hand(as there was hardly any inch to place it..........besides we could hardly  move among the people who sat on the floor)......but the worse was that i spooted a tamilian person who was irritating enough at the first sight...besides his creativity was a fascination to me as he put his boots on the ceiling fan.....and there he was,resting on a berth......when everyone around was struggling to find a foot space to stand......with that awful music player playing tamil songs.........the most confusing..rather alien part was that he was TAPPING his feet to those numbers(i felt like tapping his head on the ceiling).Under these INTERESTING situations,we reached chennai and then took a never-ending trip to trichy.....the driver was so fast that he hardly took any risk of crossing 50 on the speedometer........thus eating up our whole day in the name of this bus trip.

    Our stay was for two days.......and it just flied away as we passed those two days in the event...a national seminar.....well,i'd prefer calling it a national lullaby session as i never ever felt that sleepy during the day in the last two decades.Anyways it feels immensely good and relieved to have got out of that place at the earliest.Atleast my money were saved as my raoming charges were too CHEAP....imagine spending 3.50Rs on an sms.....that was my situation.But coming back to the present i feel better.....as am out of those alien conversations,those awful food combinations(imagine having tea with vada or cream biscuits)....but criticism aside,their hospitality was something i couldn't help appreciating with.The best part being that they came to see us off on an early morning in winter....at aroung 4.00am.

      This is a BIT of the memories of my trip to TN....but Hyderabad is pleasing to me.....besides the main reason being that i have to attend the last days of my college...I still remember and love to cherish my first day in st.mary's.......oh yeah it was the 1st of july 2006,a saturday...a time when i was in a state of worry about how my three years would pass in my college....but here i am now,really feeling bad(rather sad)that my graduation is nearing the climax scenes...and the worst line is that we just have one more working day before our internals and boards.

      My journey in St.Mary's was something i'd call "just fine"...to say the least......cos another two months and there's no jumping walls(well woh toh ab bhi nahi hain).....no basketball......no sitting under our tree....no roaming around the campus after college........no last bench.....the shortest way to say it?there's none of that fun anymore...it'll feel terrible even when i imagine that i'll stand an outsider to my college after a few months...but maybe thats what life is about.........moving on.......from the present to the future......but every step of mine into future wishes to make my future just as pleasing as it has been in the last three years.......many call it college but i prefer calling it "LIFE" cos i've seen,felt and learnt life from it.

      And to conclude the post....i'd love to thank and congratulate a friend of mine who just made a right decision....thank you "teacher"   :-)

just a sub cranial glitch

       its been quite a while since i logged in so i thought of posting one more......this is the first tuesday of november...its 20.13hrs and there's just songs around me....oh yeah its all soothing music.......but the disturbance deep inside me seems to crack the melody of this music.....dont know why but this time,i dont seem to find my music that SOOTHING....my thoughts seem to dominate that feeling of refuge and relaxation i generally get from music.this wave of disturbance really seem to make me feel inconvenient......and that is where i try to figure out the cause for this glitch in my head......i thought i was not happy with the things around me but i guess i was wrong.......the mighty upset to me was myself.....i think i need my time.......a time of solitude and silence......something i believe can answer my confusion.....something that can cure this itch inside me......i wanna figure out whatever turned me into what i AM from what i USED to be......rather the way i loved myself to be.......someone who had his head under his control..................and everytime i look back it makes me feel mierable somewhere inside......it asks for solitude......silence......maybe i should get into it.......after all i deserve to know what turned me this way..............

reflections....

            Its 9:51 am as i look at my mobile and this saturday is the last day of my vacation...one more sunday and my college(or should it be called the Guantanamo Bay?) is gonna open again....it was good until this fight took place in our college that the management made things strict for us.....and the worst part is the fencing around....the so called "solar fencing".....and the principal roaming in the corridors like a sniffer dog searching for suspects...........it should definitely be called a prison.....now we have CUT on sports timings,hanging out near college...or lets make it short....our college life.

           And then i just look back at what i've done in my one month of vacation and here's what i figure out....NOTHING.All these days i was wasting my time.......on this chair....browsing.....eating.....air force....sleeping....and what do i yield?barely nothing............all these days i was feeling so proud of my laziness but maybe my opinion seems to quake a bit.....maybe i should start working....get back my controls.....the way i used to be......rather the way i wanted myself to be......just a bit  better.....